She came, She saw, She conquered.
"¡Acroyoga, que me encanta!"
This queen, giving it her all with half the semi-final on a back that was contorted as if rent was due the very next morning. One of my favorites, probably only outshined by how much of a slayyy the Ukranian performance was. It's admirable that it could be, in principle, an annoying song, but they twisted its technofolklore leanings into one of the most eye-and-ear-catching songs of the semi with exceptional vocals and to-die-for staging. That's how you produce a banger.
Another artist that didn't disappoint and, in fact, surprised me with a very solid vocal presentation and dance, was Efendi, who ate the my-ponytail-doesn't-lie portion of her performance, and didn't fail to remember us she should be voted for two songs, Mata Hari and Cleopatra.
¡Díselo, reina!
Pay her her due, I say. Likewise for Belgium; I was worried they would fall flat live, but they truly showed their experience with a moody, enigmatic and enthralling performance.
I love this Cate Blanchett-looking girl.
Lithuania and Malta also qualified with very solid performances. All in all, the only one I was rooting for who didn't make it was Croatia. Sure, she was the discount version of Cyprus, but she still was MILES better than whatever Norway or Sweden did. The first one I'm still shocked it qualified; the second one I'm not, because it's Sweden, but c'mon, Tusse was super out of tune, not everything they do must make the final.
Albina, baby, you were ROBBED! You were a bit out of tune at the beginning, but don't listen to that, you did great, sweety!
Breaking that stat was Australia, who joined the flops of Slovenia, North Macedonia, Ireland (they had to take a break for her to prepare the stage and then she barely sang?) and Romania, but won the meme night because every living soul was reminded that it was like 5AM where Montaigne (Montañita, as the Spanish audience nicknamed her) was performing, and she was probably midway to sleep.
Israel, and especially Russia, did very well for themselves, but I would've given their place in the final to Croatia because I don't feel like supporting their countries, even in a musical competition. There should be certian rules against nations who pull the shit they do competing, but I guess that would be a logistical nightmare.
But anyways, let's move on to the second semi-final. I have had to cram the listening party I just did at 1AM because my final research project tutor decided to advance the deadline of the last big project in my degree by two weeks, so I have no time to breath now. Still, if I thought the first semi was nothing to call home about... this was... well, bad. In comparison, and especially after listening to them live, the first semi-final was rather strong. There's like 4 survivors here, awaiting the live performance to make or break the others. Let's see what we can expect from this thursday's show.
SAN MARINO – SENHIT (ADRENALINA)
This is Spanish tertulia legend Lydia Lozano; I have no proof, but no doubts either. Listen, the
Duolingo craze stops now. Not everything is allowed. You can't just pick a
word with a rolled 'r' and get the Spanish votes. Absolutely not. And why is
Flo Rida here! What secrets does Senhit lord over him?
ESTONIA – UKU SUVISTE (THE LUCKY ONE)
Something about this song is really bland, and the music video kinda made
me cringe. I don't wanna see you getting it on with a model in a cologne ad,
Uku, you're way too old for this!
CZECH REPUBLIC – BENNY CRISTO (OMAGA)
So this isn't bad, and I like when it changes the rythm, but the
fact that half the song is "OMG, you're so beautiful"... yes,
revolutionary.
GREECE – STEFANIA (LAST DANCE)
All of these songs are starting to blend together. I like the chorus, I
guess? But, honestly, unless this does something crazy live, I don't
understand it placing so high in the winning bets. Other than, you know,
this being Greece.
AUSTRIA – VINCENT BUENO (AMEN)
Zzzzzzzz-mhm? Where am I? Oh, yes. God, what a snooze-fest. Second song
this year called Amen. The other was Slovenia and it didn't make the
cut. Neither will this. Jesus, if you're listening to his prayer, make it
stop.
POLAND – RAFAŁ (THE RIDE)
Looking camp right in the eye. I like the kind of music it is,
but this isn't popping. It will be "insteresting" to see what they do
live.
MOLDOVA – NATALIA GORDIENKO (SUGAR)
Props for the music video aesthetic, that they better reproduce live,
because the song is fine, but could benefit a lot from something that makes
it pop.
ICELAND – DAÐI OG GAGNAMAGNIÐ (10 YEARS)
I'm super sad Daði and his group can't perform live due to a COVID-19
positive. They've now been screwed twice, because they also had one of my
favorite songs last year (Think About Things), which they had to drop
for something rather similar (my sister says it's the same song with
different lyrics). Still, I can't get enough of this Lucas Hedges-looking dude and his weird little dances and long hair, so I wish them the very best.
SERBIA – HURRICANO (LOCO LOCO)
How many Spanish titles do we have this year? Oh, my god! Without the
rolled 'r's, though, Serbia has little chance to make a dent.
GEORGIA – TORNIKE KIPIANI (YOU)
I can feel myself drifting to sleep. God, this semi truly is a wasteland,
huh? No, because, WHO thought it was a good idea to bring this literal
lullaby to Eurovision? This isn't even a mid-show bathroom break; I would
fall asleep into the toilet if I went.
ALBANIA – ANXHELA PERISTERI (KARMA)
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... SOMEONE TAKE ME OUT ALREADY! The first
semi-final truly was the strongest one.
PORTUGAL – THE BLACK MAMBA (LOVE IS ON MY SIDE)
Finally! Something that makes you wanna keep listening. Portugal better
qualify because this semi-final has literally no competition, WTF? It's not
an out-and-out banger, but its slow pace is warm rather than boring, and I love
its soul sensibilities. It's a yes from me, Portugal, you will secure
the Spanish vote.
BULGARIA – VICTORUA (GROWING UP IS GETTING OLD)
Steal the Lana del Rey look, mix it with Billie Eilish vocals. No, but the
song is really cool, and it will surely pop more in the final, when it's
not sorrounded by such a slow-sounding competition and it provides more of a
contrast. It will be interesting to see if her vocals hold live, but they
sure are pretty in the music video.
FINLAND – BLIND CHANNEL (DARK SIDE)
The put-your-middle-fingers-up, fuck-your-dad-and-your-teachers attitude
makes for a strange contrast with the Justin Timberlake-like part of the
chorus. I'm gonna be honest, I'm like... not in the mood for this? I'm sure
they're lovely dudes, but, uhm, they're too angry for me. Like, I get it!
But maybe try meditation?
LATVIA – SAMANTA TĪNA (THE MOON IS RISING)
It's important to have a positive image of oneself and good self-esteem. Do
this song and artist match the level of queen-ness Samantha seems to think
they're owed? Not really.
SWITZERLAND – GJON'S TEARS (TOUT L'UNIVERS)
This is how you properly do a ballad. I can see why it ranks high in this
semi-final, and stands alone within the rest of the contenders in the
festival. As Bulgaria before it, it will benefit from a more pop-heavy
final, as contrast. It eerily reminds me of Thom Yorke's music for the film
Suspiria.
DENMARK – FYR & FLAMME (ØVE OS PÅ HINANDEN)
And another blah mess to end the semi-final. How appropriate.
So I was wrong, and the first semi-final was, in fact, strong. There's only
4 good songs here: Iceland, Portugal, Bulgaria and Switzerland. There
literally isn't anything else worth saving. As in the first, every country listed
will get to vote in this semi, as well as the three remaining members of the
Big 5 (France, the United Kingdom and our beloved Spain). Here's what
they got:
FRANCE – BARBARA PRAVI (VOILÀ)
This is second in the final ranking odds (right below Italy as of now) and
I don't quite get it? I like the vibe, but for a Top 3? A tad high, no? It
reminds me of a film score with good moments, but which isn't exactly
exciting from beginning to end. Still, coming out of the second semi-final,
anything sounds better, so I'm not mad.
UNITED KINGDOM – JAMES NEWMAN (EMBERS)
The United Kingdom, the evergreen second-placer, which has done very well
for itself in the fest, has been sucking almost as much uninterrumpted ass
as Spain for almost two decades. What happened to you, UK? This looks and
sounds like a Tchin Tchin, by Alain Afflelou commercial. And he's not
moving. Salina, move!
SPAIN – BLAS CANTÓ (VOY A QUEDARME)
¡Pues a mi me gusta! *Cue to tears* I don't give a fuck what those
bullies in Norway say: this is a good song. Especially after all this
trash in the second semi-final. Of course, I was watching the first and
every Spanish Eurovision fan had the same WTF, awkward Selina Meyer chuckle
when we realized every other country had invested in cool-as-hell staging
while we have a godawful 30ft tall moon hanging from the roof. It is what it
is, but just know there will be worse songs that will place better
than us in that final. I think the problem is we never make something cool
enough to crack the Top 10 (Pastora Soler, you're excluded from this
narrative, you were God-tier!), and then the remaining votes are spread out
through neighbors and countries that usually do well. No one remembers us
and, in the end, we don't invest enough money in staging to make our
performances pop, either.
And that's that on that! I'm honestly happy to be done with this second semi-final mess. I do think, though, the few bangers it contains will do nicely with the rest of qualifiers from the first semi, along with an unusually strong Big 5. I'll try to have the next post ready soon after the second semi-final, because it'll include a poll for you to vote for who you think deserves to win Eurovision this year, out of the 26 countries that do make it into the final. Until then...
Keep praying for us, will you? Do it for her!
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